I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
