dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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