Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
