I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
