For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
