Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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