Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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