You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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