Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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