the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
