You really coming over, don't trick.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
