Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
