You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
