She said her name was "party"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
