There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
