Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
