I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
