The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
