Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My vagina just recognized that song.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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