Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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