you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
