naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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