Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
