quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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