I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
