Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
