Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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