Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
