their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
