...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
