drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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