On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
