And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
