i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
