i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize