She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize