Can Purell be used as lube?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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