Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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