I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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