fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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