i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
