So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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