We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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