Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize