I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
