i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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