In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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