I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize