I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm getting married
To pizza
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
