I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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