are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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