No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just had sex on a roof
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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