Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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