yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I have tasted many bathrooms
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
