Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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