This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I wear drunk well.
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