All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
