I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
