Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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