dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
