After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
