I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
