i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
