i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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